grieving, its a process… (mini life-update)

I don’t know where to start with this post…. I have contemplated back and forth as to whether or not to open up on this topic… grief. it’s been hard to decide, but, it seems the decision should go without saying.

grief is something we should discuss, as scary and uncomfortable as that may be. throughout time and experiences, we grieve…. often, in quiet. however, lately, I’ve had to ask myself…. how much grieving in private can one person possibly endure? when does too much, become, TOO MUCH?

well, perhaps, when its too late?

and, life shouldn’t be that way. so, as uncomfortable and scary as this may be…. I’m going to do it; I am going to discuss GRIEF!

In my life, up until this point, I have not lost many loved ones. I have lost one here, and one there, of distant family members. Occasionally, an old friend from school or childhood will show up online, and I will learn they passed away. Although I can only count on one hand, how many times this has happened, it has been profound each time.

A decade or so ago, I lost two of my cousins, within about 3-4 years of one another. And, I lost one of my aunts a few years after that. Then, two of my grandparents, along with a few friends from my childhood/hometown.

I say that, simply to say, grief is sort of foreign to me, in a sense…. or, so I thought? Well. When I reflected on my relationship with grief, I realized, my relationship with grief goes very far back! The farthest back I can remember my encounters with grief, go back to my days as an elementary aged child. Back then, my greatest source of sorrow was the absence of my father. He and my mother never did get along or have a coexisting relationship, much less, they never parented me together! I cannot recall a single encounter where my mother and father were together, with me, in a family setting.

Reflecting back on my experiences of grief as a child, I think it may go without saying, I was never actually taught how to cope, or even how to express my sorrows. All of my weeping was done in private, where nobody could see me or hear me. And, that is how it always was. I never had anyone to talk to about what was going on, or how I was feeling. I didn’t have a safe escape. I don’t know how I survived, when I reflect, looking back on it now.

Well, getting back into the topic of grief, and how to cope with it….. I want to start by making it clear: I don’t know much with respect to this topic! My advice in this regard, is limited, and perhaps even timid. So, I proceed with the intention of creating a sense of relatability, more than anything else.

✦ grief is often unpredictable in timing, therefore, it can be unmanageable unless given the proper patience, and precautions.

✦ there is no timetable on griefs’ phases and the ability to overcome its’ overwhelming impacts, mentally, physically, emotionally, spiritually, and even financially.

✦ positive self-talk and an optimistic frame-of-mind is the most reliable and effective method for overcoming grief.

✦ while grief may be hard to overcome, as a whole… or, impossible to overcome at all, it can be conquered in small increments with patience, diligence, and continued, conscientious effort.

✦ feelings of grief can be overcome by replacing our thoughts of sadness with thoughts of what we are thankful for.

✦ when we are enduring grief due to the loss of a loved one, we can imagine how much happier our loved ones would be to see us live a life of happiness and fulfillment; use your life as a symbol of what it means to be alive!

✦ give yourself time! pamper yourself. celebrate your life and enjoy being a living being.

Some would/could argue that discussing your grief and sadness with someone you love and trust, is a very wise thing to do. I would have to agree! However, with caution. Of course, we do not want to worry or overwhelm our loved ones, when we are overcome with deep sadness and grief…. But, at the same time, we should give our loved ones the benefit of knowing and understanding, we are struggling and we are overcome with grief.

While it feels good to open up to others and have their love and care during some of our deepest, darkest moments…. I have personally found, that it feels really good to simply be alone during those times!

When I am alone, I am free to feel my feelings. And, through feeling my feelings, and, feeling them alone, I am able to process HOW I feel…. And, even when I feel my lowest, I am able to tell myself, “you will be okay, you can overcome this!” As crazy as it may sound, I am really the only person I NEED to hear those words from. I need to hear them from myself. Because, even if the entire world thought I was okay, but, within, I wasn’t…. The fact would remain: I would not be okay.

I suppose, grief has taught me, I need to be okay within myself! Being happy, being okay, being whole within ones self, is the true antidote to our inner-peace and well-being during this life. It brings me to think of the old saying: “you’re born alone, and you’ll die alone!” Which leads me to what else grief has taught me…. I cannot control the life of another human, only my own. So, why would I try? I should stay at peace with myself, and operate within the realm of my inner-peace and power!

All in all, I hope this helps someone! I hope that, during those deep, dark moments, we can search within ourselves to remind ourself: “you will be okay! you can overcome this!”

Life is beautiful, and, art can be found in every single place we look. Let your love for life, beauty, and art, guide you…. Every single day ❤︎

For whatever it’s worth: I LOVE YOU!