hey loves, how have you all been? can you believe its nearly November? I am so amazed at how wonderful, amazing, and crazy this year has been. personally, and thankfully, 2024 has been the best year of my life, currently.
I have been reflecting over the month of October and I have been asking myself what my goals are, and where I see myself going. a lot of times, in life, we naturally just ‘go with the flow’… and, while that does seem to be vital…. I also find myself considering how important planning can be, and, the act of being intentional.
so, this year is coming to a close soon, and I wanted to write and let you guys know of some things I have been contemplating. one of those things, and theres many, is, how important it is to put God first in my journey. while being an influencer comes with its’ hosts of pros and cons, I believe it also comes with a lot of decision-making, for better or worse.
one thing I know is important, and vital to every single moment of my livelihood…. is, God. and, it can be easy to keep our spirituality private. however, I believe we are all worthy of truly recognizing and proclaiming the goodness of God in our lives. so, I don’t mind being an example.
ever since I was a young child, my grandmother was sure to always foster and enable a strong relationship between myself, and God. she wanted to be sure I knew who Jesus was, and she made it clear: that was her mission. and, I want to do the same…. because, it truly is important. its important for me to share with you all, how good God has been throughout my life, how he has guided me, and how he is constantly providing for me in each and every single way.
everything I have, is because of God’s wonderful blessings over my life. and, I never take that for granted. though we all fall short of the Glory…. we are all perfect in our imperfections…. we are God’s shining lights.
what good would it be to shine, if not for God’s glory?
anyways, God is to you, who he is to you. do not feel forced to conform to the views or opinions of any other human on this planet. but, when you know who God is, trust me, you Know. ❤︎
as many of you reading this post may know, last year on October 18. 2023, my childhood. high-school friend Ariana committed the act of su!c!de…. which, was oh so very heartbreaking…. to say the least.
it was surreal, and it is still unbelievable. I don’t like to share the story, because it’s very personal. however, I have spoken about it in the past. I will just say, it’s hard to believe how spiritually connected you can be to someone, even from a very far distance.
Ariana has such a strong spirit, that it’s hard to really feel as though she is ‘gone’. it’s not until you really think about it, that it all sinks in. and, tbh, I try not to think about it. however, I remember her and keep her here with me in the present, everyday. she is such a beautiful and timeless soul. I wish words could truly express the emotions, however, they don’t.
during the time of Ariana’s passing, I was struggling with immense urges to end my own life. and, one day I prayed and asked God, why do I feel this way?! I don’t want to d!e. yes, life can suck and I do suffer with thoughts of my life flashing before my eyes. but this urge was almost uncontrollable. and, I had to mask myself in prayer, in order to survive.
I prayed to God and told him, this must be the energy of someone else, someone close to me, but distant. I have my way of vanishing when life becomes overbearing, so I could only imagine who the heck it would be…. but I knew this was not meant for me. and I desperately wanted to know who, because I needed to help. I just felt that, no matter what, there was nothing I could do…. all I could do was pray.
about a week later, I found out Ariana was d3ad 😞 via social media posts from a mutual friend. what a tragedy. and, to have known ahead of time…. but not known at all, was the part that truly pissed me off and broke me down. still, to this day, it is infuriating. I just wish I would have known that Ariana needed me…. I would have been there without a question.
I say all of that to say, this month has been rather tough for me. I have found the only way I can cope effectively, is to isolate and be extremely wise with my energy.
something that makes me feel a little better, is to advocate in Ariana’s memory. soon, we will see a lot of Project Ariana Forever, and monthly releases of our Su!c!de Prevention & Awareness Newsletter.
I want to always give a special thank-you to everyone who sends positive thoughts, love, and prayers. I am sending it right back to you! we are in this together. #GoddessGang♾️
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